"Application to Date My Daughter" is a grungy, fun and funny tune that just needed a video from day one. I'm sure you've heard of "The Application." This was the second song written for the album and it just begged to have a video made. Now my daughter shows it to all prospective boyfriends. So how DO you define abstinence in three words or less? "Don't do it!"

Lyrics

So you want to date my daughter now
You better let me look you up and down
You seem like a nice young man
I’ve been fooled before but not again
So I’ve got this piece of paper here
Its only 12 pages long and here’s a pen
You better get writing soon
If you take too long my daughter’s stayin’ in

There’s an application to date my daughter
You don’t just come in here and take her out
An application to date my daughter
You get nowhere until I check it out

Question 1: do you own a van?
If the answer’s yes, put the paper down (“proceed to the nearest exit”)
Question 2: piercings and tattoos
If you’ve got ring or ink you can bet you lose
Question 12: in three words or less
Can you define abstinence?
And what’s that one last thing you hope
I don’t ask you about?

There’s an application to date my daughter
You don’t just come in here and take her out
An application to date my daughter
You get nowhere until I check it out

I’ve got some rules you can bet I do
Put your hands on her I’ll remove them too
Keep those pants up above your hip
If I see boxers out you just sunk your ship
And you better get her home on time
If you’re a minute late your ass is mine
Just Kidding…have a seat, would you like a beer?
NNNNHHH! Wrong answer, you’re outta here!

That’s my little girl
Don’t you be home late
Or I must castrate
I know that knife is around here somewhere

There’s an application to date my daughter
You don’t just come in here and take her out
An application to date my daughter
You get nowhere until I check it out